I see life in the story. All of the themes, words, souls, and meanings are interconnected. This is how I see my story and how it collides with yours.
I remember my first reading this Jung quote, "Wholly unprepared, we embark upon the second half of life. Or are there perhaps colleges for forty-year-olds which prepare them for their coming life and its demands as the ordinary colleges introduce our young people to a knowledge of the world? No, thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the afternoon of life; worse still we take this step with the false assumption that our truths and ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.” I was but 40 myself, and it resonated deeply as I fumbled my way into the "afternoon" of my life. I knew the truths and ideals I had relied upon to that point lacked veracity as the structures, internally and externally I had come to rely upon crumbled after years of working tirelessly to put just the right books on the shelves, say just the right words and believe the correct theology. While at the time, the temptation to despair owned the day, inside I knew this falling apart was a liberation.
My great quest for being good had brought me to this wreckage, surrounded by spiritual shrapnel and the blood and guts of decades of squashing my soul to make it fit into what I had been taught was a good and godly form. My expulsion from this form, as catastrophic as it was, rescued me. What to do next, where to go, what to believe and the myriad questions that filled my confident former self were daunting. It was a new beginning and now, some ten years later, well into this afternoon of mine, I am grateful for the voyage, wreckage, wounds, baggage and all, for it brought me to the most profound understanding of my life. The mystery was welcomed where certainty had reigned. I knew what I had known was not what would serve me moving forward and thus began what I now call, the discovery of my faith and myself. There have been many voices along the way, but it would be impossible for me to write with any brevity in explaining the profundity of the Enneagram and the wisdom it has brought to my life. Suffice it to say the transformation has changed the trajectory of my life. My understanding of myself, my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, is ever evolving as I move towards my most authentic self and I am humbled by the work.
The Enneagram has empowered me, and I believe it holds that same promise for those who choose to put its wisdom to work in their own lives. Doing the work has allowed me to see and begin to become free of patterns which keep me living in bondage to my ego, ever afraid of being my most authentic self. There is no magic potion or teaching that I can offer as each of us must struggle to find our own way, but my experience in using the Enneagram has captivated and freed me and left me longing to teach it to others. Frederick Buechner writes, “Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” Learning to be present and observe myself with compassion as I work to understand and move away from long-held, often unconscious mental, emotional and physical circuits in my life has brought me great hope for change. I have only scratched the surface of these sacred teachings, but I long for this teaching to be my life's work in whatever capacity is offered. Life is grace, every moment, and I have only this present moment to live, just myself to change for the better. The Enneagram is a map, but it is a different map for each of us, there is no one size fits all in this journey of becoming more human. Our true places can only be discovered as we choose to navigate our inner worlds, bringing truths to bear in our own hearts and lives. I believe our stories and our lives will transform and liberate us to be the healing presence our world so desperately needs.
I remember my first reading this Jung quote, "Wholly unprepared, we embark upon the second half of life. Or are there perhaps colleges for forty-year-olds which prepare them for their coming life and its demands as the ordinary colleges introduce our young people to a knowledge of the world? No, thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the afternoon of life; worse still we take this step with the false assumption that our truths and ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.” I was but 40 myself, and it resonated deeply as I fumbled my way into the "afternoon" of my life. I knew the truths and ideals I had relied upon to that point lacked veracity as the structures, internally and externally I had come to rely upon crumbled after years of working tirelessly to put just the right books on the shelves, say just the right words and believe the correct theology. While at the time, the temptation to despair owned the day, inside I knew this falling apart was a liberation.
My great quest for being good had brought me to this wreckage, surrounded by spiritual shrapnel and the blood and guts of decades of squashing my soul to make it fit into what I had been taught was a good and godly form. My expulsion from this form, as catastrophic as it was, rescued me. What to do next, where to go, what to believe and the myriad questions that filled my confident former self were daunting. It was a new beginning and now, some ten years later, well into this afternoon of mine, I am grateful for the voyage, wreckage, wounds, baggage and all, for it brought me to the most profound understanding of my life. The mystery was welcomed where certainty had reigned. I knew what I had known was not what would serve me moving forward and thus began what I now call, the discovery of my faith and myself. There have been many voices along the way, but it would be impossible for me to write with any brevity in explaining the profundity of the Enneagram and the wisdom it has brought to my life. Suffice it to say the transformation has changed the trajectory of my life. My understanding of myself, my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, is ever evolving as I move towards my most authentic self and I am humbled by the work.
The Enneagram has empowered me, and I believe it holds that same promise for those who choose to put its wisdom to work in their own lives. Doing the work has allowed me to see and begin to become free of patterns which keep me living in bondage to my ego, ever afraid of being my most authentic self. There is no magic potion or teaching that I can offer as each of us must struggle to find our own way, but my experience in using the Enneagram has captivated and freed me and left me longing to teach it to others. Frederick Buechner writes, “Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” Learning to be present and observe myself with compassion as I work to understand and move away from long-held, often unconscious mental, emotional and physical circuits in my life has brought me great hope for change. I have only scratched the surface of these sacred teachings, but I long for this teaching to be my life's work in whatever capacity is offered. Life is grace, every moment, and I have only this present moment to live, just myself to change for the better. The Enneagram is a map, but it is a different map for each of us, there is no one size fits all in this journey of becoming more human. Our true places can only be discovered as we choose to navigate our inner worlds, bringing truths to bear in our own hearts and lives. I believe our stories and our lives will transform and liberate us to be the healing presence our world so desperately needs.
“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories . . . water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” Clarissa Pinkola Estés
